From Frustration to Fun
One thing I love about being a Parent Coach is the amazing ideas that emerge from collaborating with my clients! In a recent session with a client with three children whose ages ranged from new Kindergartener to new teen, we were discussing how to enjoy family time that includes all members of the family. This parent’s experience ranged from frustrating fights to the oldest refusing to participate. An idea that emerged as a solution was the Family Fun Night, not based on consensus or compromise but on turn-taking.
How does it work?
It is really simple! Each member of the family gets a turn to choose the activity for Family Fun Night. Some ideas might include:
- Choosing the board game (we like Exploding Kittens & Dragonwood)
- Selecting the movie (more about that below)
- Planning a picnic dinner
- Mapping out the evening walk
- Instigating an outdoor game
- Inspiring an ice cream sundae party
The deal is, everyone participates and everyone will get their turn to plan the evening. As a family or as parents, you can create some boundaries (sugar intake, cost, no scary movies, or health/safety concerns, for example).
What’s awesome about it?
Before integrating this idea into our own household, we would often spend our Friday nights in front of the TV intending to watch a movie. Choosing the film would often take 20-30 minutes and would result in watching something that everyone felt OK about but rarely was anyone excited about the choice. Often there would be arguing, criticizing, yelling, and sometimes we would even give up on spending time together.
Since we have instituted Friday Family Fun Night, we have watched films that we NEVER would have agreed on with compromise or consensus. I suggested Just Mercy, a film about racism and social justice. My husband selected In and Of Itself, a film about magic and philosophy. And my youngest chose one we had watched several times, Storks, because sometimes you just need to laugh. One Friday we enjoyed dinner at an outdoor restaurant that we hadn’t been to in a long time. Another Friday we walked along a nearby trail with the dog.
Of course, it doesn’t always go perfectly. Just last week, it was my youngest’s turn to choose. My oldest was advocating hard for her ideas while my youngest was being flexible and a little indecisive. It looked like we were going to spend all night playing video games and jumping on the trampoline (which would have NOT been my idea of a good time), but he ultimately picked something a little more low-key and we settled into a new nature program. He tuned in and advocated for what he wanted and we all enjoyed the evening.
Choosing the activity for the family is hugely empowering for our young children. All of our individual interests are not only validated but celebrated. We each learn patience when it is not our week to choose and learn to enjoy something that we may not have considered in the past. We also get to anticipate and plan ahead for our future Friday Night.
Want to give it a try?
What ideas will you come up with? What about your children? What about your partner? I would LOVE to hear if your family tries Friday Family Fun Night and how it goes.
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